These children of mine… They’ve taught me many lessons, most of them within the past year. They are so resilient, especially with all the change that they have been subjected to. They’ve taught me to keep pushing when I feel defeated. They’ve taught me that they will always be happy no matter what happens in our lives, as long as they are with their Mommy. They love me no matter what situation we are in. They’ve also taught me how much they crave discipline and structure, and it has worked wonders!
Now of course I miss my family, friends and familiarity of “home”, but being here alone with my children has forced me to put on my big girl panties and focus on them more. They inspire me to be better because everything I do will influence their lives rather I want to accept it or not. How I speak to them and others influence how they speak to each other. How I worship and pray affects how they will learn to praise God in the midst of whatever their own life may throw them. How I interact and love others will teach them how to treat people. How I decided to leave situations that no longer served me teaches them how they should love themselves to do the same if/when that should ever happen. However I realize that as much as I love them, I can not choose their paths for them. I can only guide them in life, and pray that they make good choices. Hopefully what I SHOW them will help them make better choices and they won’t have to experience heartbreak as I have. But even if they do, more importantly they know that God will heal them and hopefully they won’t make the mistake of filling voids in an attempt to fix it themselves.
Because I’ve come to realize that it’s really not about me, it’s about them. I could be focusing on so many negative things that I have gone through, but when I began to really think about how I could use my imperfect life to teach my children to be better than I ever have been… I begin to turn it into positivity.
Honestly I was scared to be a single Mother, again. It’s a big task! Divorce changes your entire life. From who’s turn is it to cook dinner to who’s checking the children’s homework before basketball practice? Meal planning, making sure everyone has brushed their teeth before you leave for work and that there is enough toilet paper.. And who stays home when they are sick? I am responsible for each of those tasks now. Whoa! I don’t think people truly understand how challenging it can be unless they’ve once traveled this road before. No matter how you’ve been placed in this position, makes it no easier to handle. Knowing that I am completely responsible for the safety, security, physical, emotional and spiritual health of 3 growing little people can be very overwhelming at times. And being 800 miles away from my core support system, makes it even more daunting. But God… He’s got me, for sure.
I try my very best to teach my children that no one’s life is perfect and I am very honest with how my life should hopefully show them that you can overcome any obstacle placed in front of you as long as you keep your focus on God. What better life lessons can you pass onto your children than your own true experiences candidly explained to them? They are watching me anyhow so I can’t hide what has happened. They have been apart of the entire experience rather I want to accept it or not. They experience my pain, disappointments, joy, happiness, triumphs or dismay just the same as I do. They are an extension of me. No lie, life still hits me like a Mac truck every now and again, but when I think about how far I’ve come in just this past year alone, I change my perspective and am very grateful for where I am!