There’s so many “relationship gurus” on social media it’s crazy! I hope to be different however. I’m just a girl with some love failures and triumphs who’s willing to share her experience in life to help another sista out. Funny thing is, I recently reconnected with my first love and we’re getting remarried *happily screams*!!! Although I’m ecstatic, I found myself thinking, “So now what God? What about my blog on re-building from brokenness? And speaking to women about divorce? And encouraging women who’ve been through abusive relationships? What’s my purpose now?” I’ve prayed about it and I believe that he has said, “Speak Chile! There is still work to do!” Ok maybe not in those very words, but you get the point. Those situations still occurred and my life lessons weren’t for nothing! I think he still wants me to share. I still must continue in this transparency journey. It doesn’t end because God placed my love and I back together. Honestly, I’ve learned more about Godly love from being a divorcee than I did when I was actually married. Anywho, I’ll save that for another post.
With the nationally commercialized “Show-me-how-much-you-love-me” day AKA Valentine’s Day approaching, I thought I’d share my two itty bitty cents on relationships and what-not. Now, I’m sure there will be plenty postings of pics and gifts of people and their significant others on Saturday. I hope that some of you who are single do not become discouraged. Wait on the Lord, I say. Wait girl! Please don’t let the day allow you to feel less than worthy. Trust me, I know that there very well may be many, many couples that are genuinely happy and in healthy relationships showing the world (via their social media) all the love and affection they share that day. But I assure you, just in the same, there will also be many people (women in particular) that will pose the idea that they are in a beautiful, respectful relationship as well.. But they are not.
Domestic violence is still very alive and ever-present. And unfortunately, sometimes it is hidden very well. Verbal abuse will often be mistaken for a man that’s just “keeping it real”. And sometimes although the woman knows it isn’t right, she just can’t fathom the idea that the man she loves would hurt her. By his words. If it hurts your feelings by tearing you down and they are in no way remorseful about it, that is called emotional/verbal abuse. Abuse. A different form than physical abuse, of course. Yet still abuse. That sometimes takes longer to heal than the hit itself. Some are naive to it because it may not present itself along with physical abuse and come about subtly. They may even think, “That’s just how he is.” That may be true, but you don’t have to accept that type of treatment. Women in these types of relationships will most likely seek validation from others that their situation is worth fighting for, while concealing the fact that they are in a toxic situation. Mainly via social media. And they often feel like there is something that they need to be doing or not doing so that their mate will change. Lies! Dating and marriages alike. If this may be you, you are not alone.. know that I am praying for you sis. Even if I don’t know you. I often pray for women in these situations to be delivered especially since they normally don’t open up to others about it because they are embarrassed by it. Do not be ashamed that it is really happening. Be realistic about the fact that it is. Do not be ashamed to speak up and talk to someone about it. I can relate, because just a few years ago that was my story. I know what it feels like to not know what to do, who to trust and to feel trapped.. and I understand your pain. I remember sitting down to read Proverbs and Psalms one day and it was like a light bulb lit up in my head! This was NOT love. I deserved better! I am a daughter of the King and I am very worthy of Godly love! I thank God for his word!
To the ladies who are not in a relationship, I don’t know what God has in store for you. I can’t speak to that. But I do know that he has a plan for your life, regardless of your relationship status. His plan will come to fruition if you allow it to. Even if it seems like it’s taking forever. (Read Jeremiah 29:11 & Psalm 138:8) Through personal experience I have learned that you have to prepare and condition yourself to be the best woman that you are called to be. Not just for a husband one day, that may not be what God has planned for your life. Start by reading your daily devotional, or an inspirational book of choice. Begin your day with a quick yet intentional prayer before your feet even hit the floor. Focus on your own hobbies, your life goals, your children (if you have them) while covering them in prayer and he will reveal your purpose. These all helped me. And if God sees fit to send you a husband one day, then so be it. It’s important to know who you are in HIM before you allow a man to tell you who you should be for him. Get it? If and when you become involved in a relationship, please remember that honor and respect should never be compromised. Ever! Believe less of what you hear (or want to hear) and EVERYTHING that you see. Potential guy or not. Boyfriend or not. Husband or not. The first sign of disrespect should be the first time that you not allow it to occur again. Let go of your pride and step away. It’s not worth it. Don’t feel defeated however, be proud that you chose to protect your heart. Take your time before re-exploring a love potential and pray for who/what God wants for you. Not only what you desire. And never, ever forget 1 Corinthians 4-7:
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
So with all of that being said, LOVE is an action word. And actions speak loud, listen up.