I’m up at midnight because my creative juices are flowing and God placed something in my spirit to share. (Side note: My Husband is snoring and I wish I could sleep as good as he does 😕 LOL)
Anywho, I have a problem. I’m an introvert who thinks too much. I’d like to call it self-reflection, but often it’s me, my thoughts and I going round and round with all of the “what if’s”, “is it going to happen?”, “”what if it doesn’t happen that way?” And so on… Over and over again. I have to tell my feelings to have several seats and sometimes just a good ‘ole “GIRL BYE!!” If I don’t, my mind will wander and I’ll be off in la-la land while my family is having a full-blown conversation with me and then I suddenly realize that I didn’t hear a word they said. I’ve talked myself out of getting on stage to sing, tripping during an interview, and missed opportunities because I didn’t think I’d be good enough.. All because my “feelings” were telling me to be scared. But then I think on the scripture 2 Timothy 1:7 NLT and remember whose I am! 💪🏽
“For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline.”
I used to want to appear perfect. Not in a sense of being a “goody two shoes” or anything like that, but like, I had it all together.. No matter what. All of the time. I used to completely talk myself out of things because if I couldn’t do it perfectly, I’d rather not do it at all. If I haven’t learned anything else from life I’ve learned that trying to appear perfect is freaking exhausting! When I finally got to that point, I realized NEWS FLASH NIKKI:
EVERYONE has problems, EVERYONE has setbacks, and EVERYONE faces challenges that only they understand. It was through those very problems, challenges and setbacks that I learned that sometimes you have to pray ABOUT a situation for guidance, sometimes you have to pray FOR a situation so that God can change your heart and how you handle it, and then there are times when you just have to pray THROUGH a situation, especially when you can not change it, but you must accept it. I’ve found that the latter has been the hardest, yet most rewarding that I have had to do. But through it all I have learned so much about myself, how I handle situations that are thrown my way and at the same time strengthened my relationship with Christ, especially when I look back at how I used to handle things. Sometimes I’ve had to pray through a situation and literally bring it to God each and every day because I wanted to believe that God was going to work things out just the same as he did before, BUT my feelings were telling me other wise. I had to say out of my mouth, “Stop tripping girl, God’s got this!” I used to think that I lacked faith because I wasn’t letting my worries go or because I wasn’t handling my circumstances like someone else did. But I now know that it’s human nature to try to figure out things on your own and even try to be Iyanla and “fix” your life in your own way.. Thankfully I’ve learned that some things are just God’s business and you just have to let him show you what the lesson is that has to be learned because you can’t fix it or make it go away.
I’ve had times when I’ve questioned God on why he thinks I’m so strong, and lately I feel that he’s been asking me, “Why do you think you’re not?” Hmmph! When I thought about it like that, I began to take back the power and strength that he gave me to fight my battle with a different weapon of choice, which was him and his word and not what I could do physically.
Yesterday I watched a video of my baby daughter saying “the Devil wants to take everything that God made!” The funny thing is she didn’t even realize what she was saying, but then again, maybe she did. Sometimes it takes the innocent mind of a child to remind us of what we already know. The enemy doesn’t like it when we desire to do the things that God wants us to do. He wants to take our joy, our peace and he loves when we worry and let our emotions control us; he likes when we feel like God has left us. The mind can be his playground if we let it. But just in the same we can follow this scripture when our mind starts to wonder:
“Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise.” Philippians 4:8 NLT
Now with all of that being said, my situations have not necessarily changed, but HOW my situations affect me have. I’m not perfect and I don’t get it right every time, but I am better. My Father has always said, “life is 10% of what happens to you and 90% of how you handle it”. I didn’t know what that truly meant until I had gotten older and went through some things, but now I get it. I still struggle at times with certain emotions, but when I stop, breathe and ask God to help me through this because I can’t handle it alone, (over and over again sometimes lol) it usually makes me shift my perspective and that situation doesn’t have control over my life anymore. Ain’t he good?! Man, once I started being transparent about my life and how God has been the only reason I’ve been able to handle it, I realized that people appreciated me being honest about the mess that I was before and how God changed me. And hopefully through my sharing, someone knows that he can do the same for them.
Blessings and hugs,