Today I was driving to work and a song came on that was very familiar, “I trust you” by James Fortune. I immediately remembered the times that I played that song over and over and over again as to remind me that I was trusting God during my hard times.
About 3 years ago, I found myself in an abusive situation, at that time when I played that song, I would cry and cry… but I would find comfort in the words:
“But I trust you
Lord it’s not easy
Sometimes the pain in my life
Makes you seem far away
But I’ll trust you
I need to know you’re here
Through the tears and the pain
Through the heartache and rain
I’ll trust you.”
Thankfully, today when I heard the words, my interpretation was different. Instead of sadness and a plea for comfort, I smiled.. BIG! I remembered where I was in my life when I needed that song to get through the day. Today I thought about how far I’ve come. Emotionally, spiritually, mentally, holistically.. because I trusted HIM. I am now in a healthy marriage, and able to sincerely pray for the person who caused so much hurt at one point, because I have truly forgiven him.
“Only GOD can allow you to hear a song and give you a smile to replace where there were once tears”.
It was not an easy thing to do. No, no, no, not at all. I had to be patient with myself. Especially when I wanted to not forgive. But then I realized that the forgiveness was not for him, but for me. I had to take my time, however. No one could rush this process, not even myself.
I watched an episode of Grey’s Anatomy yesterday, the main character had a falling out with her sister-in-law. Although I don’t remember what exactly it was about, I do remember what happened when they were finally in each other’s space. Meredith said, “I’m not ready to forgive you”, and her sister turned and said, “I’m not either”. What I saw were two people who were entirely honest with one another, although they were not ready to forgive the offense, they confronted the issue and knew that eventually they would. That’s powerful.
Tip of the day: Be completely honest about a situation that you have dealt with in the past. If you have not been able to forgive the person completely, say to yourself “I know that I have not forgiven ____ for ____, but Lord help me and let me know when I’m ready. And be patient with yourself until you are.
Blessings and hugs,