How do we work it out after it hasn’t worked? Re-marrying your spouse after divorce

Today is our wedding anniversary. Well it’s our “first” wedding anniversary. Let me explain: I married my Husband at 21 years old. Surrounded by over 100 people, some that I couldn’t identify today if you paid me. Bright-eyed, bushy tailed, in love, glowing… and pregnant. By this time, we’d been in a relationship for 3.5 years, engaged for 2 and were CERTAIN that absolutely nothing would ever come between us. Not even ourselves. 

Unfortunately, life, 7 years, and 3 children later, shown that was no longer true. It seemed that the rain kept coming in our lives. I mean, it was raining so hard that I thought it would never stop. So what is the natural thing to do when it rains? Run for cover. I did that alright. For sure. No counseling. No intercessory prayer. Nothing.. I just ran. 

If I could go back however, I would be more mindful of several things: I would realize that marriage is not all fairytales and unicorns. It’s not about always waking up smiling next to the BEST thing that has happened to you. Sometimes you’re mad at that person, hell even furious! Warm hugs and succulent kisses may not come before bed. But you’ll get over it the next day. If not then, maybe the next day or the next. But it will happen. You will laugh at the ONE thing that happened the previous year That you just refused to deal with. Marriage is stanky breath kisses at 7 am, 3 kids under 5, attitudes and tearful prayers together when life is kicking so hard that you can’t seem to stand. But even still, I would’ve tried harder the first time. 

So fast forward, here we are celebrating our original anniversary. 14 years later! I am SO thankful for the growth that has occurred during this entire time.. And although sometimes I didn’t understand why things happened the way they did, I know that they have strengthened our bond. God knows. All glory to him. 

But how do you remarry the person you once were married to? How do you move past things? I’m glad you asked. 

LET. IT. GO.

Ever heard the saying, “You can’t move forward if you’re stuck in the past”? Well, it’s true. There’s no other way. Let it go… All of it. All of the mistakes. All of the past disagreements. Everything! Let it go!  If you REALLY want to make it work. Honesty, truth and forgiveness are very important. Forgiveness is the doorway to beginning a new relationship. And that’s exactly what it is. A NEW relationship. 

It’s not always pretty, but it can be beautiful. A beautiful struggle a friend once said. 

If there’s any piece of advice I could offer to people considering marriage, are engaged, married or even separated from their spouse, it would be this: know that LOVE takes time to build, you don’t just find it. It doesn’t happen overnight. Two people from different backgrounds are coming together as one unit. Regardless of your religious affiliation, or lack thereof, Marriage is a commitment, rather you feel like staying in it or not. You have to make a choice. Sometimes daily, to work it out.. No matter what. Within reason of course…That’s why it’s SO important to know the person you marry before you do. 

My husband and I are no where near perfect; I sincerely pray that NO one thinks that. We are human, just like the next person. We get emotional, we disagree too. We get on each other’s nerves…and we still make mistakes. But we also check ourselves and we get checked by GOD! (Quite often might I add 😁) We make a decision to choose love, each and every time.. Then we get over whatever it is. It may take a few days, but whatever! LOL! It’s not always easy, but it’s always worth it. Hopefully you won’t have to lose love to find out what you have like we did, but if you do, know that there is always hope to find it again… If it’s meant for you to have it.

This time, instead of running for cover when the storm hits… I will stand next to my Husband and let him hold the umbrella for me. And then bask in the sunshine when it’s all over.




Blessings and hugs,

Nikki ❤️

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2 thoughts on “How do we work it out after it hasn’t worked? Re-marrying your spouse after divorce

  1. Amen this touched even me a woman, who is on her third marriage ( one I am 100% sure that God put together) and I thank you for sharing your story and ministry with me. God bless and God first ALWAYS!

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