a FB memory today was my very 1st art showing in 2018 (above) the pic below was this past Friday.
Transitioning from a vocal artist to a visual artist was more challenging that I had thought. I had some resistance and nay sayers.. who had way too much to say about it—even after starting my own art businesss AND joining an art collective.
When I started painting, it was for ME. Simply put. I was stressed out, depressed, anxious and a failing perfectionist (in my mind). I had no idea how I wanted my art to look, I just painted what I felt. I often compared myself to the artistry of my friends, especially because they had been doing it much longer than me. I actually struggled to find my art style for a while, but I landed in the genre of abstract. Because there I could just be free, and not make it “look like anything”.
Once my business picked up, I became affectionately known as “the paint & sip lady”. Strangers would come up to me and say, “oh, you’re Calming canvas!” I would smile like a little 4th grade school girl every single time. Still, the title did not emcompass all that I was artistically.
Eventually the business of art made it less enjoyable for me, & if I’m honest my son said, “I don’t know why or how you started a business dealing with people, when you don’t really like anyone” 🫠 true. Well, I am easily annoyed lol.
As the years went by, it seemed like my entire life had changed, everything you could think of was different. During these times… I was devastated from the seemingly infinite amount of losses I kept taking. It was HARD.
For a bit, after I closed my studio and life was lifing, I self-sabatoged + sulked by turning down multiple art, singing & book opportunities, interviews too—well, because I was just reliving how something’s hadn’t worked out for me, & why would anyone want to know what was happening now? Is what I asked myself. But what I had almost forgotten, was that I was not my decisions, but even some of those had allowed me to evolve & help some along their journey. I also had many special gifts to share with the world. Still.
Now—I understand that those changes have created me & this authentic self. I do what I want, when I want. I speak how I want, when I choose. I show up, or not—however I feel. I love differently & have allowed myself to be truly loved and changed forever by it. I’ve learned to say no to things that have no value with my progression, & most importantly, I am learning to say YES to the right things.
Someone told me the other day that my book has helped her through her divorce. I genuinely teared up. I wrote it 3 years ago.. & at the time I felt it was too raw; I honestly felt very exposed & vulnerable. I understand now that sometimes you have to just put it out there, and it will land where’s it’s supposed to. Apparently that’s what people need, the TRUTH of our stories + experiences. Otherwise we need to stay silent.
All of this to say, give yourself the time + space to process your emotions… but please don’t forget how you & your art are necessary to the universe.
K E E P G O I N G.
There’s enough people that aren’t willing to share how things have really happened to them, don’t be one of them.
—Nik ❤️
Nikita Vonee’s Blog 