No social rest for the weary

I have written and re-written this, and even recorded a video too. Too many explicative words that I muttered, so I did not share it that way.

Now, I do know that not every white person is a racist, but I also do not know which ones are anti-racist either.

I read yesterday that a lot of white people dont even like black people, they just like YOU.

And that hit-hard.

To not see my color, is to not see ME.

I am BLACK. All day every single day, and it doesn’t matter if I am lighter in my complexion than “them” or that you think that I don’t act like “them”, because I am them, too. And it’s exhausting to explain-so I won’t any longer.

AND btw my Daddy is a big black man. So 🤷🏽‍♀️

I’m tired of explaining, side-stepping, & allowing faux apologies just to make anyone feel comfortable.. when clearly I am not.

To have to clear up white tears over frivolous matters; while simultaneously shedding many for people that are now only #hashtag memories, and I never even met them.

Attempting to keep a cool composure with a RBF, cause my face don’t lie—is exhausting.
So that I can (seemingly) avoid the angry black woman complex.. that will precede me anyhow. but NOW? now I’m mad as hell.

And I’m using my art of words to express. Cause I ain’t made for the frontlines, but these ones can’t not be erased. And they still display my anger. Maybe even better.

Where micro aggression meets pissed.

That’s exactly where I am.

Diversity training will not help, because it’s an engrained mindset. Engrained in the fabric of privileged thinking and passivity. No one feels the need to change, because they don’t feel they are wrong. And because they don’t have to care, like we do. Ever.

My prayers are different now because I have a black son. A black Husband. That go into the outside world most days. If ever I have had a thought of taking for granted that they will return home safely, it is now. Anger + Fear makes me hug them both more tightly when we embrace… while I pray silently.

Anger has caused me to go through my FB friend list to see which of my white friends have said something even remotely racial during this time… then realizing that most have said nothing at all.

Then I remember that silence is an answer too.

And I digress.

Nik 💔